Yes, I AM friends with my exes.

Many people find it strange that I maintain contact with my exes. They happen to be some of my closest friends. For anyone that has ever asked, "Why?" or said, "You are a nicer/stronger person than I am." here it is:

1. There is a reason I was with them in the first place. That doesn't go away just because reasons exist that we couldn't make forever work. This is true for every relationship. I realize that some people change. I know that things come out the longer you are with someone. I am fully aware that sometimes the flaws outweigh the strengths. I simply believe that if the good is still there, a friendship makes sense.

2. They know me pretty well. When you spend a lot of time with someone, they learn things about you. I am not the best at making friends. That means when I find a person who can read between the lines, I keep them around.

3. They have seen things. They have seen my ups and downs and no how to handle them. That means, when I panic about some current issue, they know how to talk me down. I made that call a few times when I first met Josh (my current husband for the newcomers!). I was scared. I didn't know how to handle the things that come with a new relationship. It had been a while.

4. They know too much. There is a meme circulating that says, "you will be my best friend forever... you know too much!" This is especially true for my exes. From my deepest fears and secrets, to my hopes and dreams. They know a great deal about me: the good and the bad. It is good to have someone around, that knows you. This is especially true during a new relationship. Of course, now, my husband knows almost everything there is to know about me (a huge step for me) and I rely on others less, in that department.

5. I don't have a bunch of horrible break-ups in my past. Sometimes I just moved away. Sometimes we knew it wasn't quite right. My first marriage didn't end in a pretty fashion, but we got over that and now we have a decent friendship. I do his taxes. We had lunch a couple weeks ago. No big deal.

6. I am an adult. I can forgive and have been forgiven. You won't find any "nanana-booboo" around here! I know I made mistakes. My exes know the same. We take responsibility for our roles in our respective break-ups and forgive eachother... because we are grown-ups!

7. The best way to co-parent (for me) is to have a friendship with my kids' dads. My oldest son lives with his dad. I am thankful for our friendship when he calls me and says, "our son ____________". Good or bad, our communication is open enough that I get a phone call or a text every time. That hasn't always been the case, and I like this way, much better. I am thankful that I can take my youngest son to see his dad in prison and it isn't weird or painful to have a two hour conversation with my ex. My son needs his dad. Right now, the only way to make that happen, is for me to facilitate that interaction time.

Remember when your mom would patch your jeans? It is the same thing! It will never be exactly the same, but it is good. 

Please don't misunderstand. Some people are simply toxic for you. Not every relationship can turn into a friendship. I am just saying, don't knock it 'til ya try it! 

Thanks for reading!!


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