Kryptonite for average women

I don't say this to be superior or to offend women, but I seem to be kryptonite for the "normal" woman. Most women hate me. This is far less because of who am and more of what I am capable of. I could probably steal your man... but I never would.
It took me many years to realize this about myself. I have always been "one of the guys". Women are cruel to one another and that freaks me out. I avoid it. I don't like to be drug into restrooms with other females. I don't like to talk about women behind their backs. I am confident in who I am as a person and cutting someone else down is not my style and it definitely doesn't boost my self image!
Guys, I know I am not perfect, but for those of you I have been friends with for a long time, there is a reason. I am open to additions here men!
Here are some ways I unintentionally keep men close to me. If you have trouble holding on to a man, this could help.
1. Talk to them, not at them. I don't like to talk about myself too much. Have a conversation. Let him participate. Don't make him feel like he doesn't need to be there. Read his cues. Know when you have said enough and change the subject. Ask him questions. Let him know that you are glad he is part of the conversation.

2. No whining. Don't be a victim. Guys are often uncomfortable with this kind of drama and tears especially. There is a reason that guys say things like, "walk it off" or "rub some dirt on it". Suck it up girls! Perpetual whiners, after you play the victim for so long, people (not just men) will stop paying attention. Remember the boy who cried wolf?

3. Common ground. I know that not everyone knows about football or UFC. I am not saying you need to have everything in common. For the love of all that is sacred, don't pretend to know about things you are clueless about! More on that in #4, but find something you both know or care about. Heated debates can be great for starting a relationship as long as it isn't something you are both insanely passionate about but on opposite sides. I happen to be a giant nerd: Super heroes, comic books, old cartoons, and technology. These are great common ground for a good portion of my guy friends. I also love tattoos, motorcycles, classic cars, and to a lesser extent, guns, for the more hard core crowd. Don't force him to sit and watch chic flicks with you every weekend. 

4. It isn't necessary (or a good idea) to pretend or lie. The first time you get caught in a lie, it is over. Even if you keep the relationship (friendship or romantic) the dynamic changes and you will never hold the same credibility. 

5. Laugh with them. I can't express to you how important this is! You can't successfully spend time with a person whose sense of humor is completely opposite of yours. I don't like practical jokes. That means I can't spend a ton of time with a practical joker. I am not amused and often just irritated by it.

6. Don't talk about other women. Guys are not interested in your catty gossip. They don't want to hear you talk trash about other women.

7. He doesn't care about what you don't have. It is one thing to say, "I'd like to have that." But don't tell him every little thing that you feel the desire to possess. It is like handing him a Christmas list every day. It looks shallow and greedy. Don't be a gold digger. You won't have what you want until you want what you have!

8. Leave the clinging to the snails in your fish tank. Let the poor man breathe. What will you have to talk about if you are ALWAYS together? Let him hang out with the guys so he has a chance to miss you. Plus, if you keep him caged, he will eventually have to be free and he will most likely do it without you. Imagine those crime shows where someone has been held captive. When they break free, they run as fast as they possibly can.

9. Let him speak at least as much as you do. If you monopolize every conversation, he will think that you don't care what he has to say and therefore don't care about him. Active listening people! Let him know he matters. Let him pick at least half of the topics and let him actively participate in all your conversations. This is not high school speech team or late night TV. You are not delivering prose or monologue.  

10. Most importantly,  say what you mean and mean what you say. Contrary to popular belief,  men are not mind readers! I struggle with this most. I sometimes forget to just come out with it already. A lot of the men I know can't take a hint. They need the big orange airport lights. When I met my husband, he had no idea I was interested. That is my fault. I should have just spelled it out. This goes for a lot of my friends too. I can often seem flirty even when I mean nothing by it. I have had to say the words, "Let's just be friends." This goes for breakups, too. (Guys this is for you as well!) Don't just assume someone will take the hint when you stop calling. Say the words! "I no longer want to date you/ be friends/ whatever the case may be." Be very clear and don't go back and forth. Your decisions need to be concise also. I get that minds change, but avoid that whenever possible. Stick to your guns! 

I hope I haven't forgotten anything here and I hope that at least one of you learned something you can use. I have been successful at this for over 20 years now. As long as it isn't just me, these should work!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Top 10 worst times to get a tattoo

I am really lucky to have four parents

Why I don't mind the way my kids changed body